23 December 2022

She's not the asshole

There is an interesting subreddit called AmITheAsshole, to which participants submit incidents or sketches from their life and ask others the question in the title. Redditors then vote.  The lady pictured above asked:
AITA for leaving significant facial scarring uncovered on a plane and being confrontational when a father asked me to cover it because it was scaring his son?
Here's her full story:
I sustained very bad injuries to my face this month. I'm in the stage of healing when the scar tissue has formed, but it's still very tender "new skin". I'm going to have very obvious facial scarring for the rest of my life. The injury starts about an inch above my hairline, goes down over my brow so that on part, hair will not grow. It continues down my cheek where it is deepest; I'll always probably have an indentation in the fullest part of my cheek. Then it continues to my jawline.

In some ways it's OK. I'm happy it's just cosmetic damage. My friends are super reassuring, telling me how badass and sick it's gonna look. They say I'm still as hot as ever, now a little more sexy and mysterious lol.

But in some ways it really sucks... I know that I'm always gonna be seen first as "the girl with the scar" and it feels especially bad when people look at me differently.

This week, I had to fly home for a family thing; it was a plan I'd made long before my injury. I wasn't really looking forward to the pity or people making a big deal of it; I'd rather it not be acknowledged.

I'd also met with my dermatologist who said that I was at the stage of scar tissue formation that I no longer should be dressing the wounds; the skin was healing and instead I needed to be applying topical cream and Vaseline to keep the site clean and moist.

It also looks a bit ugly; the building scar tissue is very red and tender, and with the Vaseline over it, looks slick and shiny.

So I get on this flight; I have the window seat and I put on my headphones and drift off to sleep when the plane is still boarding.

I wake up to this kid, maybe 4 years old, sat next to me, throwing a tantrum. I didn't catch the first part of it and I honestly couldn't understand what he was yelling about...

His father said to me, "Can you cover that injury?"

I said that my dermatologist recommends I don't, so no I don't think I will.

He started snapping at me saying "there is no need to be so rude. That injury is graphic and it's scaring my little one."

I said "this is my face. The only damn face I've got. It sucks being told I'm so ugly I can't show my goddamn face in public."

He started to backtrack saying "just until it's healed" and I said "it'll always be with me. Maybe teach some fucking compassion and respect instead of telling a girl half your damn age what you think about her face. That's rude.

He actually got up after that and I think went to a stewardess about a seat change because a young couple came to sit next to me on a few minutes instead. I've gotta admit I felt so low that I put on my sunglasses and had a quiet cry for a few minutes.

AITA for not covering my healing scar, and for being confrontational about it?
The Redditor community voted her "Not the A-hole."  

Via Bored Panda, which offers a selection of relevant comments from the rather long original thread.


  1. Nope, not in the least. She's been through some heavy shit and came out with an attitude I'd bet a majority couldn't attain. You go girl!

  2. I don't blame the kid for being upset. When you're that young you can't process that kind of injury and it's certainly going to be upsetting to look at. In this case, the father should have sat between them or tried to just get another seat from the get-go. She could have been more understanding towards the kid.

    1. When is a good time to teach children that not everyone is the same?

  3. I don't think the image is actually of her.

  4. The father was wrong, but being confrontational wasn’t the best way for the woman to handle it either. Both adults could have used the situation as a way to help the kid learn that he doesn’t need to be afraid of people with scars.

  5. It's a good place to start the kids education in the large range of language people use in the real world, and not to concentrate on the words but the thought being conveyed. Might even point out the kid wouldn't be upset if he minded his own business. If the kid is going to have a meltdown every time he sees something he doesn't like he's in for a rough life. I can sympathize with his distress but do not condone turning the world upside down to placate him.

    1. Yep, 4 years old is the perfect time to be educated in such language.

  6. Imagine this same story as told by a young man, speaking to a woman "twice his age": SHE started to backtrack saying "just until it's healed" and I said "it'll always be with me. Maybe teach some fucking compassion and respect instead of telling a BOY half your damn age what you think about HIS face. That's rude.


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