17 February 2008

Things we learn from the movies

Lists like this have been on the internet since the days when hard drive capacities were measured in megabytes, so it's impossible to give credit to the original creator. There have been hundreds of entries, whose humor or relevance depends on which movies you've seen; the ones below are some of my favorites.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

The ventilation system of a building is a perfect hiding place. No one will think of looking for you there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Vehicles that crash always burst into flames.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

All single women have a cat.

It does not matter if you are outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will wait to attack you one by one until you have knocked out their predecessor.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one other.

Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices so you know when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park outside the building you are visiting.

Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.

All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.

When driving a car, you should look at the person sitting beside you for the entire journey.

Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's birthday.

All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man beside her.

Kitchens don't have light switches; at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles every morning, even though the family never has time to eat them.

Stolen clothes are always a perfect fit.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally when you turn the television on.

Computers never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

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