An article in the
StarTribune explains why more and more families are opting to delay funerals to a time that's more convenient for everyone.
When Sue Walker's dad died in January, she immediately began planning his services -- for July. To honor her father... Walker and far-flung family members will play some golf and cards, drink some scotch and "call it a day," she said. "If we can have everybody here and do something he loved, it will be more of a tribute," Walker said.
Although some funeral experts suggest immediate services to help in the grieving process, more families are waiting weeks or even months to hold memorials...
"Each circumstance is different," said Daniel McGraw of Gill Brothers Chapels. "My neighbor's mom just died and they just don't want to go out to the cemetery until the spring. ... Sometimes they don't want to pull the kids out of school or they have a long-planned vacation to Mexico and they don't want to lose the $1,000 they already paid for the trip."
In a few cases, people just have difficulty finding an open date in their hectic schedules.
"It's sad but true," McGraw said. "A lot of people's lives are busy, and they're postponing funerals for convenience's sake. It's a sign of the times."
...Although delayed funerals aren't the norm, funeral directors say they are becoming more frequent, coinciding with the increase in cremations. State statistics show 46.8 percent of those who died in Minnesota in 2009 were cremated, compared to 15.8 percent in 1990. Once Aunt Martha's body is cremated, it's a lot easier to hold her services weeks, if not months, later...
"Thirty or 40 years ago, everyone did it about the same," said Philip Sellew, University of Minnesota professor of classical and Near Eastern studies. That meant a two- to three-day visitation immediately after someone died followed by funeral services in the mortuary or a church, then a procession to the cemetery. A luncheon often followed the burial...
"It's an important family discussion," Ellis said. "What would Grandma want us to do? It could be that Grandma would really be pissed off if we were late to her funeral or postponed it. Or maybe Grandma would want us to go on vacation. ... It's all situational."
But don't wait too long, cautions Gill Brothers' McGraw. "They'll say they'll schedule in the spring, and then never do it. Out of sight, out of mind," he said. "I have a closet full of cremates."
More at the link. Photo credit Richard Sennott, Star Tribune.
My grandmother died in early March of '02. My mother and uncle went to scatter her ashes on family land in the Catskills, but they waited until spring because of road conditions. The memorial service in her former home wasn't held until a few weeks later. I don't see a problem with this and I think it's one of the 'benefits' of cremation. You're not polluting or wasting space and you're not...in need of quick disposal.
ReplyDeleteWe did this when my Father died a few years ago. He was in hospice in my home and died the day before my wife and I had planned an extensive trip abroad. Dad had insisted we take the trip. Since our family has long preferred cremation we postponed the memorial service until our return which also gave his rather scattered family time to plan attendance. Frankly, this makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteI hope to have as delayed funeral as possible. I know that sounds funny but it is true. My loved ones can have a memorial service when ever they wish, as for me I have donated my body to the U of M for medical science. One way or the other I'm getting into medical school.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father died in 1957, it was against the law in California to scatter ashes in the ocean, which had been his wish. We kept the ashes until my mother died 15 years later, and I had their ashes scattered together over the ocean. I think they both would have liked that.
ReplyDelete