02 March 2016

The eyes of Chris Christie

Excerpts from what is undoubtedly the funniest political commentary I have encountered during this election cycle.
Chris Christie spent the entire speech screaming wordlessly. I have never seen someone scream so loudly without using his mouth before. It would have been remarkable if it had not been so terrifying.

Sometimes, at night, do you still hear them, Clarice? The screaming of the Christies?

His were the eyes of a man who has gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back, and then he endorsed the abyss...

He looked as if he had seen a ghost and the ghost had made him watch Mufasa die again.

He had the eyes of a man who has looked into the heart of light, the silence. A man who had seen the moment of his greatness flicker, and seen the eternal footman hold his coat, and snicker.

And, in short, he looked afraid.

He had the face of a man who has used his third wish and realized too late that “may my family never starve” could be twisted to mean that the genie should murder his entire family...

“When are they coming to airlift me out?” Chris Christie’s eyes are pleading. “Please tell me that they are coming and that it is soon.” But then his expression hardens. Chris Christie knows that they are not coming back for him...

Soon he must return to the small cupboard under the stairs where he is kept and occasionally thrown small slivers of metaphorical raw meat...

Chris Christie has seen things. Things you wouldn’t believe. Things that would make your hair fall out and turn grey all at once. But he cannot speak of them. He can only stand there...

Chris Christie has the glazed and terrified look of someone who has traded his inheritance for no pottage at all, who has watched his credibility dry up and is about to be led back to his basement cage, having lost Winterfell for good...

Chris Christie has no mouth, but he must scream.
More at Alexandra Petri's Washington Post article.   Photo via Matt Viser.


  1. Just so you know who I am, I like Hillary but Bernie would be good too.

    I saw the eyes you saw. However, I feel like Christie is the future running mate. Trump is a salesman and he has made a sale to a certain constituency for President.
    I sort of like Mitch McConnell and all twisting in the wind over Trump. Not as much as I would like the Democrats win the Presidency, the House and the Senate. But everything is not as it appears. I could be wrong which would not be the first time. But it is nice to see the Republicans reap what they sowed. They have fanned the flames for ignorance and not shown responsibility or leadership.

    I felt ashamed of the last mainstream candidate, Rubio talking about Trump's hand size. He just wallowed in the mud in my opinion. Trump is a showman and salesman. He is what he is.

  2. I'm with Ann I think he's wondering about being a running mate and hopes Trump doesn't blow it before the election.

  3. You'd think the Jersey capo would be the very last person to voluntarily let the emperor neuter him into his stable, but...

    It's still a helluva show, between the carnival barker extraordinaire, the snake oil salesman supreme and that young, super charismatic guy (what's his name, again?).

  4. Christie's a shameless sycophant. His entire career has been based on sucking up to power at every opportunity, all the while bullying and intimidating anyone in his path. His is a special kind of moral cowardice, even for a politician.

  5. I saw this too ~ PIMP funny!

    Me? If the dump wins, I'm moving to Cape Breton!


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