The "Economic Stimulus Plan" in plain English

WASHINGTON – President-Elect Barack Obama called on Congress to quickly pass a new fiscal stimulus package that would provide nearly $100,000 trazillion gaquillion frijillion in an effort to revive the U.S. economy...

Details of the plan were presented by Lawrence Summers, Obama's top economic advisor and one of the plan's key architects. Using a colorful chart with squiggly lines, Summers estimated that 845 jiggashillion new jobs would be created in the plan's first year, with another 491 dubbadillion to follow over the next four years...

Other highlights of the plan include:

• $43 nurpillion for job training
• $89 bibblydefrillion for community reinvestment
• $505 frappakrillion for infrastructure and public works
• $732 hominavillion for health care and education
• $986 giggitysquillion for Goldman Sachs

Congressional reaction was mixed, as House speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) vowed to pass the stimulus package "even if I have to go around and push the 'yes' button for every member of this chamber myself, and don't think I won't..."

But Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) was optimistic about the bill's passage, noting that the Senate has already adopted legislation increasing the national debt ceiling to $4,000 pigglywigglyjibbityjabbityfrippityfroppitybadaboomillion....