19 August 2019

Denmark offers to buy the United States

COPENHAGEN—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”..

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.
Excerpted from The Borowitz Report in The New Yorker.

9 comments:

  1. Miss CellaniaAugust 19, 2019 at 7:31 AM

    Too bad I read my last complimentary New Yorker article earlier this morning.

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    1. MinnesotastanAugust 19, 2019 at 9:17 AM

      When I'm in that situation, I type part of a paragraph into Google, and it usually leads me to some other site that has reposted the material in part (or in toto!)

      Delete
  2. dragonmammaAugust 19, 2019 at 11:21 AM

    Oh, snap! Excellent comeback by Denmark.

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    1. MinnesotastanAugust 19, 2019 at 11:43 AM

      Just to clarify - that piece was written by a humorist, not the real Danish government (who probably feel the same way but wouldn't say so publicly...)

      Delete
    2. rockyAugust 19, 2019 at 5:38 PM

      Dang! I thought I had an issue I could vote for.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousAugust 19, 2019 at 2:05 PM

    Of course the US is for sale, Trump Estates will finance too. Make an offer!

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  4. Peter BearAugust 19, 2019 at 4:33 PM

    Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth just made a similar offer, to take the 'wayward colonies' back under her personal dominion. Since we're going to have a dictatorship anyway soon enough, I'd rather it be her than the Orange Baboon, as she's not only competent but has a sense of humor. God Save The Queen!

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    1. WilliamRocketAugust 20, 2019 at 4:34 PM

      If you'll bear with me, the British queen would receive far less than a decisive amount of votes, if such a marvellous selection system could be achieved, as opposed to her just having been born into the right (German) family. Such a mirror to India's caste system. The royal powers are weak these days but given the boost of the USA's laws, she would be a right bloody tyrant.
      May I suggest you vote for an intelligent president the next time around, Bernie Sanders would be the obvious one.

      Delete
  5. KorkeeAugust 21, 2019 at 4:41 AM

    Sounds good.

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