Stories from a used book store owner

A very nice, well-appointed lady spends about an hour browsing the stock, including the locked cases. After building a rather formidable stack of unrelated books worth over $3,500 (including some very scarce Mark Twain first editions), I couldn't resist asking:
What do you collect?
Oh nothing, but I will purchase these.
(My curiosity getting the better of me) A gift?
No. I am going to use them to decorate my daughter's bathroom.
(Silly me! I failed to notice that the books were all various shades of green. This is a good thing, since the books will soon be color-coordinated with the mold).
Let me help you carry these out to your car.

(phone call - grownup)
I have a book I want to sell.
What is it?
It's by John Stainback. It's called "The Wayword Bus"
Who's the publisher?
I just said, John Stainback
He's the author, sort of. Let's try again, what does the copyright page say?
Where's that?
Sorry, I can't use it. Thanks for calling.

phone call...
I have a bunch of old books I want to sell on e-bay. Can you tell me what they are worth?
Why would I want to do that?
My friend said to call you and that you know a lot about books.
You are missing my point. Why should I waste my time helping you?
So I can know what reserve to put on my books.
I charge for appraisals.
Well this isn't an appraisal. I just want to know what they are worth.
Sorry, you will have to call someone else. Good luck!

(Woman mid-thirties, pondering a purchase)
I have never read a book this long. It would really have to be good for me to read this one (149 pps.).

(Woman, in her mid 30s)
Do you have the "Titanic" book?
No.
I'd like to read it.
Uh huh.
Did you know it's a true story, except for the romantic part?
(this is worse than I thought!)

You have a book I want, but it's $30. Would you take less? I just want to look at the pictures.

It's too hot in here! Why don't you turn on the air conditioning or something?
You could take off your sweater.

Have you read all these books?
Of course! I never sell a book without reading it first.
(Real long pause)
When do you watch TV?

Hi, are you hiring?
No. Not at this time.
I like books.
So do I.
I promise not to get in the way. I could just read or something.

Have you ever seen the Guggenheim Bible?
Yes.
Wow!

phone call...
Are you hiring?
No.
Good! Can I have your company's name?
Why?
I have to tell the Unemployment Department that I am looking for a job.
This is the Unemployment Department. Can I get your name?
(click)

phone call...
I have a rare book.
What do you have?
It's called Sea Wolf.
By London.
Yea.
What makes you think it's rare?
It's signed by him.
Is it a first edition?
Yea.
Who is the publisher?
Dell.
It's a paperback?
Yea.
What year was it published?
1976.
He must have been pretty old when he signed it.
Yea, he was.
I have to go now.
Do you want to buy it?
No.

(Customer fills out search card: 16 Chapels)
(me) Oh, you're after books on European Churches?
No, just books about the 16 Chapels.
16 Chapels?
Yea, you know the one with the big painting on the ceiling.
We will let you know what we find (once we stop convulsing).

There are more at the BookMine, which also has this interesting column.