Jokes about the viola (???)

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?

Put it in a viola case.

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a viola.

Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?

They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

A conductor and a violist are in the middle of the road; which one do you run over first?

The conductor. Business before pleasure.

How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.

Found on this MIT (?) page, via Metafilter.