07 February 2013

Nation reassured by ExxonMobil's profits

HOUSTON—According to reports from across the nation, all 315 million residents of the United States exhaled in relief and expressed a contented sense of reassurance Friday on news that the ExxonMobil Corporation had recorded nearly $45 billion in profits last year. “Oh, thank God!” said visibly relieved part-time drug store cashier Helen Gregory of Youngstown, OH, who called the oil and gas multinational’s total revenues of $483 billion “deeply comforting” and “a true blessing,” echoing the sentiments of every other American from coast to coast. “I can’t tell you how good it is to know that the world’s largest corporation is still unimaginably profitable. Now I can finally get some sleep and stop worrying.”
As reported in the Business section of The Onion.


  1. I understand that this is the Onion, but I do believe those numbers are accurate.

    So...ExxonMobil gets less than 10% profit margins.

    Considering Ford gets about 13% for new cars and Apple gets 27% for plastic trend-setters (thanks Foxconn!), I'd say that less than 10% is reasonable.

    1. Wow! I hadn't realized that Apple had "profits" of almost $42 B at the end of their fiscal year (end of September 2012).

      So Exxon only made like 7% more than Apple? and from a quick look Apple didn't pay any of it out to shareholders either..

    2. No.. I need to make a correction. Looks like Apple paid out $2.5 B as dividends to shareholders.

  2. Those numbers ought to be fairly accurate -- ExxonMobil has put out a preliminary top line number for 2012. They haven't released the full 2012 numbers.

    A couple of other things

    Out of that roughly $45 Billion in "profit" they paid out around $10 B to shareholders at dividends, where it will be taxed again. They spent around $30 Billion(!) to buy back stock from shareholders.

    They also paid around $34 B in sales taxes, another $40 B in other taxes, and over $30 B in income taxes. So somewhere greater than $100 B in taxes. As a point of comparison, that's like 21 % taxes as a percent of revenues and other income. (That's looking at the 2011 financials from their annual report). I don't quickly see a breakout as who which countries this tax was paid to.

    As a point of comparision, that's like more than 5X the NASA budget in FY 2012, or roughly 1/6th the US DoD budget in FY 2012, or roughly 1/8th the US HHS budget in FY 2012.

  3. What Exxon *claims* it pays in taxes shouldn't be taken seriously:

    Chevron CEO John Watson recently claimed “We’re the highest taxed industry that I’m aware of” while the American Petroleum Institute has claimed the industry pays a tax rate at more than 40 percent. But as Reuters explains, the oil industry uses a different methodology to claim it pays an artificially higher tax rate to the public. The industry “lumps together U.S. and foreign taxes. It includes taxes that are deferred and thus not paid yet. U.S. companies must pay taxes on profits earned abroad, but they can defer these taxes until they bring the cash into the country.” The big five use this tactic of hoarding cash oversees in tax havens, cutting their tax rates drastically. Exxon uses at least 20 tax shelters. These tax loopholes permit Exxon to pay a rate in-line with Mitt Romney, who’s also notorious for tax dodging.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...